The Grifters Next Door

See it here.

New neighbors have moved in next to Dale and Marlene. Apparently these newcomers are not satisfied with the welcoming rites already performed by neighborhood busybodies with binoculars. So they take matters into their own hands and introduce themselves around in an attempt to obtain housewarming gifts.

It is likely this is a pair of grifters who move from neighborhood to neighborhood, staying just long enough to get gifts from everyone on the block, then packing up their booty and moving the scam to the next town over. Dale and Marlene fall right into the trap.

Burl and Joy, on the other hand, are not so gullible. They have erected a fortress in list form, ready and waiting to repel invaders. Instead of a housewarming gift, any grifter daring to disturb the sanctity of their prime-time rituals will find themselves burdened with a month's worth of to-do items, tying them to the neighborhood as indentured servants until the cost of the gifts is paid off.

The other, darker possibility is that terrorists have moved in next door. It's hard, otherwise, to explain why the new neighbors were not ensconced in their own armchairs, patriotically thrilling to the exploits of Jack Bauer.

In that case, Burl's parting shot takes on a new meaning. When interaction with the neighborhood terrorists is conducted over the phone, the NSA will eavesdrop and they will be discovered. Of course, Burl forgets (or chooses to ignore) the fact that Dale and Marlene will be implicated as fellow travelers and are likely to be turned over to a third-world nation willing to torture them.

Losing a pair of close friends, however, is a small price to pay for protecting our freedom to watch 24 free from interruptions of a non-commercial nature.

The following marginalia take place between 8pm and 9pm:

• Friend = 411. What does neighbor equal? It looks like it equals 40, but what could that mean?
• I know what it is supposed to say, but it looks like the list says "Tell neighbor to mow, weed, clean poo!"
• Good Neighbor Sam is on ice, which is where this running gag belongs. I'm surprised we avoided The Perfect Neighbor on Ice.