30 April 2007

Full Service

In today's Dinette Set, we see the local gas station where:
  • Burl and Joy, apparently, bring their 2-dimensional cut-out car and pretend to fill it up.
  • The gas station attendants, witnessing this delusional charade, prove to be the only sensible people ever to appear in The Dinette Set.
  • The reader must accept that the artist is wasting our time when all she really wants to do is complain about gas prices.

27 April 2007

Unruly House Guests

In today's Dinette Set, Burl and Joy throw a party, leading the reader to think:
  • Burl and Joy have that many friends? That many people would come to their house? That many people can fit into 15 square feet of the living room?
  • Exactly what sort of anatomical issues does the woman in the middle suffer from?
  • When you have no ability to render perspective, why exactly would you attempt to draw this panel?
  • Joy's shirt? No. No, no, no, no, no, NO!

26 April 2007

Beast and the Beast

In today's Dinette Set, Timmy is front and center leaving the reader to ponder:
  • What in God's name is Timmy's shirt supposed to mean?
  • Why must we always be subjected to images of anger and cruelty towards the Dinette Set's resident babe-in-the woods?
  • Is Burl's shirt/pants ensemble a shout out to commenter Pinball and her his love of the screen door pants?

25 April 2007

At the Buffet

In today's Dinette Set, the gang goes out to lunch while the reader:
  • Is willing to stipulate to the fact that Burl does not consider salad to be food.
  • Wonders what being gross has to do with knowing whether or not something happened.
  • Has difficulty pronouncing Shannadigan's, causing them to puzzle over the misguided play on the terms shenanigans and Bennigan's.

24 April 2007

Have You Seen This Child?

In today's Dinette Set, the disappearance of a child is the back story for:
  • A joke, for reasons passing understanding.
  • Further emphasizing that Burl and Joy are parochial to the point of narcissism, as if that needed to be re-emphasized.
  • Some sort of commentary on the state of the local newspaper, which is obscured by the wrong-headed choice of subject matter.

23 April 2007

Squirelly Squirrel

In today's Dinette Set, Burl fires up the grill while the reader:
  • Can't puzzle out the panel at all. Why exactly did Burl hang corn on the cob from a tree branch? To cool it off?
  • Wonders why the artist didn't finish drawing half the background; did she run out of time?
  • Is a little worried by the Boo Radley reference. Is Dale protecting children from Burl, who is playing the neighborhood role of Bob Ewell?
  • Can't figure out what the weird semi-circular indentation in the tree is supposed to be.

20 April 2007

Chivalry as Phobia

Psychiatrist John makes a cameo in today's Dinette Set, which means:
  • Burl goes out of his way to prove that he's both a neanderthal and an idiot.
  • John wears a T-shirt whose slogan's applicability to the panel as a whole is cryptic, at best.
  • A sign on the wall indicates that Burl has a door behind which he hides brains in a pile. The reasons for this are not obvious.

19 April 2007

Hanks for the Memories

In today's Dinette Set, the family tries to decide what movie to watch while the reader:
  • Desperately tries to recall even the barest details about the movie Splash, released more than 20 years ago.
  • Is not sure that the mermaid in Splash was quite as fat as she appears to be on TV; wasn't she actually slender and kind of sexy, despite the fish tail?
  • Can't understand why Tom Hanks is wearing a T-shirt that says "Hanks" (or, perhaps, "Honks") on it.
  • Ponders the meta-question of why Patty even visits her parents.

18 April 2007

Veggies Deluxe

In today's Dinette Set, Joy and Verl shop for vegetables, amazing the reader to find that:
  • They know where the vegetable aisle is and would even consider ingesting a vegetable.
  • The supermarket has better security, with 2-way mirrors, than most police stations.
  • The cheese sauce is kept in the vegetable aisle.

17 April 2007

Lion in Winter

In today's Dinette Set, Burl and Joy discuss a lion statue
  • For reasons passing understanding.
  • To illustrate that they don't understand the nature of solid objects.
  • So the garden center employee can look askance at them.
  • I got nothing here, I don't even understand what's supposed to be funny about this.

16 April 2007

A Time For Every Season

In today's Dinette Set, Burl and Joy practice tourism in order to:
  • Blame the Biltmore Gardens for the time of year during which Burl and Joy chose to visit.
  • Hang out with a large group of college graduates, people who have travelled outside the United States, and people who make jackets from screen doors.
  • Stand next to a character (in the Duke sweatshirt) who is clearly meant to be the reader's proxy, regarding Burl and Joy with utter disdain.
  • Take up 1/3rd of the panel with an elaborately-detailed illustration of the building that adds nothing to the panel, which is about the gardens.

14 April 2007

Carnival of Horrors

In today's Dinette Set, we ride the Ferris Wheel and discover:
  • The artist isn't brave enough to depict vomit or vomiting, and takes the path of cowardice in covering it with dialog balloons.
  • Mixed vegetables is the worst fake name for a carnival ride. Ever.
  • The occupant of the top car, just visible between dialog balloons, appears to be dead, having plus signs for eyes.

13 April 2007

Because It's There

In today's Dinette Set, Burl and Joy ascend a mountain using their car:
  • As if the reader needed more proof of Burl's lack of ambition.
  • To meet a pack of climbers, at least 2 of whom wear screen door pants, and one of whom (behind the man in the Vail hat) has a right leg which appears to be over 7 feet long.
  • While a biplane flies at over 14,000 feet, the world high altitude record for women pilots at the time of Amelia Earhart.
  • To hold both head and arm in an unnatural position while trying to look nonchalant.

12 April 2007

Theatre of the Absurd

In today's Dinette Set, Burl and Joy go to the movies where the reader is left to wonder:
  • If the artist could actually be bothered to see something as high-brow as The Illusionist
  • Whether there actually are places where employees give enough of a damn about their minimum-wage job that they protect the mega-theatre corporation's profits by hassling patrons about bringing food.
  • If the editor realized that the phrase "check your bag" has another common meaning and might confuse the reader, if only briefly.

11 April 2007

Terminal Illness

In today's Dinette Set, Burl returns to the doctor, causing the reader to:
  • Wonder where Joy is.
  • Re-visit the question of what the band-aid on the doctor's head is supposed to signify.
  • Instill hope that perhaps the doctor is a quack and has misdiagnosed Burl's terminal illness as chronic hypochondria.
  • Include an eye chart on the wall, despite the fact that this is a doctor's office, not an optometrist's office.
  • Come far, far closer to showing Burl's naked ass than should ever be allowed in polite society.

10 April 2007

Grammatical Incorrectness

In today's Dinette Set, the artist offers a grammar lesson for the purpose of:
  • Boring the hell out of the reader.
  • Causing the reader to raise an eyebrow at the notion that Burl remembers something from his school days.
  • Compete with Crankshaft for the title of Biggest Ass in the Comic Pages.
  • Create a couch out of the same screen door material usually reserved for pants.

09 April 2007

The Grass Isn't Greener

In today's Dinette Set, we debate lawn mowing for:
  • No reason which is considered a standard reason for publishing a comic (e.g., humor).
  • To confuse the reader with an impenetrable time line.
  • To prove that the artist cannot effectively illustrate the concept that "the grass hasn't even grown yet." Or at least can't recognize that it would be helpful if they could.
  • To seat Joy on a 2-dimensional porch.

07 April 2007

Questions, questions...

In today's Dinette Set, Joy is not yet dressed and the reader is left to wonder:
  • Why is Jerry sporting a bow tie all of a sudden?
  • Why is Verl's sweatshirt inside out?
  • Is there a minimum dress standard for Wal-Mart but not for Dollar Dump?
  • Why do Burl and Joy both have their hands in their pockets?

06 April 2007

Snakes in a Panel

In today's Dinette Set, the group discusses movie rentals for the purpose of:
  • Attempting to be hip and Internet savvy, but actually just being months late jumping on the Snakes on a Plane bandwagon.
  • Holding out the false hope for the reader that if they return in 5 minutes, the panel might make sense or be funny.
  • Making not one, not two, but three separate boob jokes for no goddamn reason. For God's sake, stop already!

05 April 2007

Gossip Corner

In today's Dinette Set, the folks gather round the table to:
  • Utter an elliptical bit of dialog, including some names with which we are not familiar, after which the reader has no idea what they are talking about.
  • Feign righteous indignation on Burl's part.
  • Make yet another boob joke in poor taste.
  • Include Jerry in the scene, but do not reference him or give him dialog.

04 April 2007

Dirty Laundry

In today's Dinette Set, Burl and Joy hang laundry while the reader:
  • Wonders why the artist only drew about 1/3rd of the background and left the rest blank.
  • Is astounded to find that laundry-hanging is some sort of spectator activity.
  • Recoils in horror at the sight of one of Burl's flabby love handles.
  • Struggles to determine what previous noun Ma's pronoun "them" refers to: fresh air? everything?

03 April 2007

South Mountain

In today's Dinette Set, the gang head to the movies in order to:
  • Disgust the reader.
  • Make the reader retch.
  • Place into the reader's mind an image which the white-hot heat of a thousand suns going supernova could not possibly burn away.
  • Demonstrate a continuing and disturbing inability to recognize where "the line" is.

02 April 2007

Aarf Aarf!

In today's Dinette Set, Burl and Joy laze in their backyard so the reader:
  • Can be introduced to neighbors we never knew they had.
  • Can be witnesses when the police ask if Burl did, in fact, threaten to harm the neighbor's dog.
  • Can wonder about the point of the prominently-placed pinwheel.
  • Can stare at the neighbor with black covering her face and ask: Is that seriously the best you can draw a pair of sunglasses?