Porch Light Trilogy

In today's Dinette Set, I couldn't care less about Burl's hatred of Halloween and of trick-or-treaters. I am, however, absolutely baffled by the ovals of light surrounding Dale and Timmy, not to mention Timmy's costume itself.

Spooky Chemlawn

Today's Dinette Set completes a thematic trifecta in which Burl and Joy demonstrate preternatural stupidity about things mathematical, lingual, and (now) temporal. I would love to convince myself this was deliberate, but I suspect the artist is actually simply running out of ideas in more dramatic fashion than previously suspected.

On the other hand, one revealing detail in today's panel stands head-and-shoulders above anything else.

I am delighted to find out that Burl, when removing his Halloween pumpkin, cannot stifle the urge to stomp on it. I imagine this small annual expression of sheerest rage is the thin wall which keeps the demons at bay and prevents Burl from doing the same thing to Joy.

Shut Up Just About Covers It

Today's Dinette Set is the verbal equivalent of Friday's mathematical Dinette Set.

Despite attempts to prove the contrary, I remain confident saying that misunderstandings of simple concepts, like commonly-understood phrases or mathematics, are not funny (whether they are a result of willful idiocy or a stupidity so profound as to defy description makes no difference).

Each Dinette Set which plumbs these depths anew only strengthens my conviction.

Seven Pumpkins

Today's Dinette Set is another in a series of desperate attempts to prove that poor math skills are fertile ground for humor. The net effect, predictably, is to prove the exact opposite.

And yet Burl's "No!" still manages to be the strangest part of the panel.

Call to Complain

Every Dinette Set should include a number you can use to call in and complain.

Or to ask questions, like: Why does Burl's bumper sticker say "Drive only carries 100's" instead of "Driver"? Similarly, does the use of "100's" instead of "100s" represent a subtle joke or the fact that you don't understand the use of apostrophes?

Art Contest

Today's Dinette Set is as confusing as they get. If I may attempt to summarize the narrative sequence of events we are requested to follow:

• Apparently, a magazine had an "art" contest to trace Binky the Deer, who looks suspiciously like Bambi.
• Apparently Burl, for reasons passing understanding, entered this contest, not to mention the fact that this implies Burl was reading (or looking at) a magazine.
• Apparently, a child won the contest rather than Burl.
• Apparently, the artist believes someone is still paying attention.
• Apparently, the County Fair in Crustwood has an art contest and Burl entered it.
• Apparently, Burl won this contest.

If you made it this far, your reward is a punchline with such tortured grammar ("rigged for kids") that it is almost incomprehensible.

A Cry for Help

Today's Dinette Set is a desperate cry for help from the artist, who is apparently besieged by SPAM.

OK, here's the secret...stop putting your email address into every form you come across on the Internet.

If that doesn't work, get a new email address.

Every so often...

In today's Dinette Set, I actually smiled a little bit. Burl's comment was snide and wildly inappropriate. Of course, intimating violence against animals isn't a good recipe for humor. But at least it showed a willingness to go too far for a change.

Of course, the remainder, especially the incomprehensible marginalia, is dreadful.

Busting Out

I refuse to even begin to speculate as to what is "barely in" anywhere in today's Dinette Set. Rather, I would like to draw your attention to the following rather stunning use of, for lack of a better term, language:

Verla: I can't believe she's your age, Ma.
Ma: I know!...And she's actually 6 months younger.

Monkeys and Typewriters

I'd like to think today's Dinette Set is a strange reference to the opening scene in Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are Dead in which the question of what happens to probability in the absence of natural forces (e.g., in a fictional setting) is explored.

More likely it's just the author mistakenly believing humor can be mined from poor math skills.

Party Poopers

The marginalia in today's Dinette Set, specifically the reference to buying Burl a size small party hat, caused me to really closely examine the appearance and topology of Burl's head for the first time since I started the blog over a year ago.

As such, I am now questioning how I've spent the last year of my life.

Emphasis Theirs

In today's Dinette Set, Patty's overreaction to the word "only" makes no sense.

"The storm only killed three people" implies exactly what Burl thinks, that it could have been worse.

"The storm only managed to kill three people" just sounds disappointing.

Crackpot

When first reading today's Dinette Set, I thought random man said "three buck for the crackpot" and Burl refused out of his latent tenderness towards Joy.

And then I realized the man said "crockpot" and Burl refused out of less-than-believable idiocy.

I think the version I just imagined is better.

Know thyself

Burl, despite all his faults, at least demonstrates a rudimentary sense of self-awareness in today's Dinette Set. Of course, this certainly raises the question of how, exactly, he found himself entered in a weightlifting contest. Which makes for one of the least likely backdrops for a Dinette Set.

And yet the mass of dark zombies still manages to heighten the weirdness.

-D

TV Dinners

In today's Dinette Set, Burl doesn't appear to understand the difference between cooking and warming something up in the microwave.

Interestingly, however, if the dialog is read literally Burl may not be wrong. After all, isn't it more than likely that the somethin' Van saw on TV was a commercial for a microwave dinner?

ERROR

In today's Dinette Set, once again the reader is forced to wonder how people this stupid have a functioning autonomic nervous system.

And yet, I'm mostly just fascinated by a TV set or cable company that broadcasts the message "ERROR" when something is wrong.

And disheartened by yet another "It must be x:00 somewhere" gag.

I've Fallen

In today's Dinette Set, the artist once again demonstrates a lack of knowledge regarding the difference between humorous commentary on aging and cruelly mocking deranged elderly people for the mere fact that they are rapidly approaching death.