Out of Reach

I know I am starting to become repetitive about The Dinette Set, but seriously...

These people are far to stupid to have a functioning autonomic nervous system.

I guess I need to add today's "effort" to the growing list of panels in which Burl and Joy display preternatural stupidity about relatively simple concepts involving mathematics, linguistics, time, and (now) proximity.

Thanksgiving Sickness

In today's Dinette Set an unbelievable amount of dialog is used to make the joke, to use that term loosely, that some people call into work sick when (gasp) they are not in fact sick. If we were to assume this was worth any words at all, an assumption I will not grant, surely it could be done with much fewer than this?

Shuttle Bus from Hell

Today's Dinette Set doesn't make much sense, if you ask me, and since you bothered to come here, I'll assume you are asking me, if only in some small way.

I simply cannot make anything of the fact that Carnegie Mall has shuttle busses.

I don't know if these ladies are at Carnegie Mall or another mall.

I don't know where Burl and Joy are.

Mostly, however I don't understand how anyone leaving the mall will be able to open their car door.

Feed the Artist

Today's Dinette Set could be about anything, anything at all. It doesn't matter. Because at the end of the day it's just about a gigantic plug for Dinette Set merchandise.

I feel compelled to note that Bill Watterson, the creator of the greatest comic strip ever, was never willing to sully his creation by merchandising it.

Feed the World

Today's Dinette Set, features people unclear on the concept on the textual and meta-textual level. That Burl does not understand should come as a surprise to absolutely no one. That the artist tortures the English language in a desperate attempt to make this joke fit into the setup also should come as a surprise to no one.

Not that it's not annoying as hell and totally unecessary. Assuming the artist is not paid by the word, I suggest the following:

Timmy: Did you know millions of kids in other countries go to bed hungry?
Burl: Relax. I'm going to finish everything on my plate.

At that point, all one needs to do is draw a comically over-stacked plate of food. Which, I know, is asking too much.

Blood for Oil

Today's Dinette Set is a lesson in parochial slang. Apparently in some area of the world people refer to paintings as "oils." I am reasonably certain they retain the right to vote despite this fact, which is certainly disturbing.

Emergency Services

I have to keep this short today, because I'm off to dial 911. No, not in anticipation of a bloody car-on-Rascal accident. Repeated reading of The Dinette Set, and the attendant forehead smacking, has resulted in fairly severe cranial damage.

At any rate, all I will say about this particular vignette is that you can file it under "Conversations no human being has ever had; set in an Escheresque landscape."

Not to Mention that Septuagenarian Smell

If you are feeling guilty about finding today's Dinette Set kind of funny, don't beat yourself up. One thing the Dinette Set gets right on occasion is Burl's hostility towards Ma.

Porch Light Trilogy

In today's Dinette Set, I couldn't care less about Burl's hatred of Halloween and of trick-or-treaters. I am, however, absolutely baffled by the ovals of light surrounding Dale and Timmy, not to mention Timmy's costume itself.

Spooky Chemlawn

Today's Dinette Set completes a thematic trifecta in which Burl and Joy demonstrate preternatural stupidity about things mathematical, lingual, and (now) temporal. I would love to convince myself this was deliberate, but I suspect the artist is actually simply running out of ideas in more dramatic fashion than previously suspected.

On the other hand, one revealing detail in today's panel stands head-and-shoulders above anything else.

I am delighted to find out that Burl, when removing his Halloween pumpkin, cannot stifle the urge to stomp on it. I imagine this small annual expression of sheerest rage is the thin wall which keeps the demons at bay and prevents Burl from doing the same thing to Joy.

Shut Up Just About Covers It

Today's Dinette Set is the verbal equivalent of Friday's mathematical Dinette Set.

Despite attempts to prove the contrary, I remain confident saying that misunderstandings of simple concepts, like commonly-understood phrases or mathematics, are not funny (whether they are a result of willful idiocy or a stupidity so profound as to defy description makes no difference).

Each Dinette Set which plumbs these depths anew only strengthens my conviction.

Seven Pumpkins

Today's Dinette Set is another in a series of desperate attempts to prove that poor math skills are fertile ground for humor. The net effect, predictably, is to prove the exact opposite.

And yet Burl's "No!" still manages to be the strangest part of the panel.

Call to Complain

Every Dinette Set should include a number you can use to call in and complain.

Or to ask questions, like: Why does Burl's bumper sticker say "Drive only carries 100's" instead of "Driver"? Similarly, does the use of "100's" instead of "100s" represent a subtle joke or the fact that you don't understand the use of apostrophes?

Art Contest

Today's Dinette Set is as confusing as they get. If I may attempt to summarize the narrative sequence of events we are requested to follow:

• Apparently, a magazine had an "art" contest to trace Binky the Deer, who looks suspiciously like Bambi.
• Apparently Burl, for reasons passing understanding, entered this contest, not to mention the fact that this implies Burl was reading (or looking at) a magazine.
• Apparently, a child won the contest rather than Burl.
• Apparently, the artist believes someone is still paying attention.
• Apparently, the County Fair in Crustwood has an art contest and Burl entered it.
• Apparently, Burl won this contest.

If you made it this far, your reward is a punchline with such tortured grammar ("rigged for kids") that it is almost incomprehensible.

A Cry for Help

Today's Dinette Set is a desperate cry for help from the artist, who is apparently besieged by SPAM.

OK, here's the secret...stop putting your email address into every form you come across on the Internet.

If that doesn't work, get a new email address.

Every so often...

In today's Dinette Set, I actually smiled a little bit. Burl's comment was snide and wildly inappropriate. Of course, intimating violence against animals isn't a good recipe for humor. But at least it showed a willingness to go too far for a change.

Of course, the remainder, especially the incomprehensible marginalia, is dreadful.

Busting Out

I refuse to even begin to speculate as to what is "barely in" anywhere in today's Dinette Set. Rather, I would like to draw your attention to the following rather stunning use of, for lack of a better term, language:

Verla: I can't believe she's your age, Ma.
Ma: I know!...And she's actually 6 months younger.

Monkeys and Typewriters

I'd like to think today's Dinette Set is a strange reference to the opening scene in Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are Dead in which the question of what happens to probability in the absence of natural forces (e.g., in a fictional setting) is explored.

More likely it's just the author mistakenly believing humor can be mined from poor math skills.

Party Poopers

The marginalia in today's Dinette Set, specifically the reference to buying Burl a size small party hat, caused me to really closely examine the appearance and topology of Burl's head for the first time since I started the blog over a year ago.

As such, I am now questioning how I've spent the last year of my life.

Emphasis Theirs

In today's Dinette Set, Patty's overreaction to the word "only" makes no sense.

"The storm only killed three people" implies exactly what Burl thinks, that it could have been worse.

"The storm only managed to kill three people" just sounds disappointing.