Those Little Moments

In today's Dinette Set, the pool is the scene of any number of crimes against decency:

• The panel as a whole; sweet lord does anyone believe people want to see something like this while drinking their morning coffee?
• Jerry's pose: part beached whale, part treed-bear, part centerfold; all wretched.
• Jerry's shadow: makes it seem as if he has a tail...OK, that may or may not have been deliberate.
• Joy's mug: Shut up? What the hell does that have to do with anything, unless it was a subconscious message from the artist to herself.
  

Music Hath Charms

In today's Dinette Set, Burl samples Celtic music while the reader:

• Is simply too disinterested to bother looking up Ravinia Squatter.
• Wonders aloud: "Unwind, sleep, relax...siddown?"
• Agrees with other readers that the Tranquilscapes CD Title names are too contrived and elicit nothing more than a tired groan from the reader, if that. Middle East Lullaby, indeed.
• Struggles to find an interpretation that does not turn the Enola Gay into an Anal sex reference.
  

Smell-o-Vision

In today' Dinette Set, ostensibly we're discussing a gift for Timmy, when really we should be discussing:

• Whether the notion of buying cologne for an 11-year-old is part of the joke or an indication of just how divorced from reality The Dinette Set is.
• Whether anyone considered the fact that a panel about aroma would not work in a visual medium.
• Whether anyone considered just how gay this makes all The Dinette Set men seem.
  

A Matter of Minutes

In today's Dinette Set, Burl and Joy can't wait five minutes, the amount of time it would take:

• For the artist to draw a credible looking phone on the wall.
  
• For Joy to pass out from twisting her head 180 degrees and blocking her own windpipe.
• For an editor to realize this wasn't funny, if only an editor had reviewed it.

Industrial-Strength Undies

In today's Dinette Set, we are offered three equally unconvincing options in interpreting the panel:

• Other items in view (trophies, socks, shoes, twist ties) are equally embarrassing, therefore singling out the garters and bras for special shame makes little sense.
  
• Selling to the consignment shop is equally embarrassing as selling at a garage sale, therefore does not address the embarrassment issue.
  
• The author forgot to include the punchline.
  

Shades of Gray

In today's Dinette Set, Burl and Joy split hairs over saccharin, leaving the larger questions unanswered:

• What does Burl's extra large dialog balloon hide? It's utterly redundant to say "leave without paying" and "walked out and didn't pay" so that can only mean something is hidden behind the word balloon.
• How can we save Timmy? Is it possible to reach into the panel and extract him, for his own well-being?

Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires

In today's Dinette Set, the panel appears to be about wilderness survival, but is really about:

• Winning a bet regarding how many words can be crammed into a 400x400 pixel image, so long as legibility is not a factor.
• Torturing pinball with pants.
• A reader contest: can you identify the man in the panel who has had a femur transplanted into his forearm?
  

Spirit-crushers

In today's Dinette Set, Timmy acts as the voice of his reason, imploring change to save the planet; in return he is subjected to:

• Emotional abuse at the hands of Burl and Dale, do you even need to ask?
• The most nonsensical and improbably titled movie ever: Don't Lower the Bridge, Raise the River.
• The misfortune of seeing Dale's face merge with the TV set.
  

The Art of Negotiation

In today's Dinette Set, Burl demonstrates his prowess at negotiation; by contrast the following things demonstrate very little prowess at anything:

• Burl's embrace of form over function, which flies in the face of everything we've ever learned about him.
  
• The rather poor decision to include a "red" toaster in a black-and-white line drawing.
• A lamp which is dated for reasons passing understanding and includes a lamp shade made of pinball's favorite fabric.
• The Redwing knock-off, whatever the hell that is.
  

On Golden Pond Scum

In today's Dinette Set, Burl appears to be acting like an ass, however:

• I suspect Burl's analysis of the Crustwood's Community Theater's performance is more accurate than Joy's.
• The need to bring baby wipes for Burl makes him more pathetic than anything else. And makes no damn sense.
  
• The really remarkable thing is how cheery Ma appears to be, despite the fact that they went somewhere without her.
  

SPD DMN

In today's Dinette Set, Burl gets a ticket while the reader ponders:

• Does this panel even contain a joke? Is there supposed to be something funny about the fact that Burl has no plans to speed off while the cop runs his info through the computer? If so, the joke is well-hidden.
• If you set out to draw the most unconvincing lapel in history, would it be possible to draw a less convincing lapel than the one on the cop's jacket?
• What is written on the cop's hat? For that matter, why does the Crustwood police force wear bowler hats?
• Why does the cop carry his gun in his pocket? Alternately, why is his holster made of the same material as his pants?
  

Just Like Mom

In today's Dinette Set, Patty is forced into several horrifying realizations:

• Her purse is the size of a pirate's treasure chest.
• Newton's laws are not in effect, as Burl is able to lean on a shopping cart without it rolling out from under him.
• One of the shadowy figures in the background appears to be groping the other's crotch. For my own sanity's sake, I choose not to consider the possibility that the motion lines belong to the shadowy figure rather than indicating that Burl is trying to pull Patty over backwards.
  

Charity begins at Crust Foods

In today's Dinette Set, Burl anonymously donates a dollar to charity:

• For the life of me, I can't figure out what's supposed to be funny about his desire for anonymity. Is it because he's aware he is cheap? Is he only doing it for the tax deduction (see Dale's shirt)? Does he not want to be pestered by solicitors? The comments are the location for wild speculation.
• Joy is "paid for". After yesterday, I don't even want to speculate what that could mean.
• The cash register shows a total of $1.00. Are we to believe Burl went out of his way to donate $1?
  

Banana Hammock

In today's Dinette Set, there is only one thing worth saying:

• Dear God! I think they're talking about Jerry's old Speedo.

A reminder: after a panel like this, CDC guidelines are in effect. So if you have been exposed, even mildly, claw your eyes out and seek out the most potent sedative you can find.

The Old Bag

In today's Dinette Set, a company function is the scene of simmering class warfare once again, but the reader is distracted by details:

• Who is that man fleeing the scene?
• Is it possible, by adding some badly needed punctuation, to force the words on the raffle sign into a semblance of meaning recognizable to an English-speaking audience?
  
• Wouldn't a cash bar have, you know, a bartender?
• What, precisely, are those balloons supposed to be anchored to? The sign?
  

Plastic or Melted Plastic?

In today's Dinette Set, Burl and Joy misunderstand the purpose of plastic utensils, leading the reader to mutter out loud:

• It's a wonder people this stupid have a functioning autonomic nervous system. Seriously.
  
• How much did Solo pay for product placement? How much will they sue for when they find out what they got for their marketing dollars?
• "You were smart to use...it will make for?" Could you please pick a damn tense and stick with it?
  

Tom Jones' Roast Beef

In today's Dinette Set, the girls return from a concert and we must:

• Invent a likely scenario which involves Tom Jones kissing members of his audience, rather than just dodging their undergarments.
  
• Struggle to understand why Burl is suggesting that he would wash his face to remove BBQ sauce, unless it rubbed off Tom Jones' face and onto his own.
• Ignore Joy's shirt. Seriously, do not look at it.
  

Can't Happen Soon Enough

In today's Dinette Set, Marlene discusses the end of the world; on the other hand:

• Timmy, once again subjected to emotional abuse at the hands of his grandparents and their neighbors, sports a look of horror appropriate if the situation is to be taken literally, but not appropriate if we are just talking about the demise of the Dinette Set.
• The artist apparently does not believe the reader will understand what a meteor impact might mean, gratuitously splashing death references throughout the panel; always a perscription for comedy gold.

The Mothman Cometh

In today's Dinette Set, the reader is left to wonder:

• When did the Pennys move the phone out of the TV room?
• What are we supposed to make of the fact that Marlene likes to make phone calls during dinner? Is this a comment on Dale and Marlene's relationship?
  
• Has there ever been a more stilted bit of dialog than: "Probably Marlene, who likes to call you while they're eating dinner..."
  
• What exactly is the joke? Is this a joke only comprehensible by non-TiVo-owning readers?
  

Carbon Copy Coffee

In today's Dinette Set, Burl and Joy purchase coffee, causing the reader to wonder:

• Am I supposed to believe for a second that Burl and Joy buy their coffee for $4 at an artsy coffee shop?
• Is the artist afraid to write "Jew's Harp" for fear of being called anti-semitic?
• Does the artist not realize that the College Hill Coffee logo looks completely out of place being a semi photo-realistic style amidst crude line drawings?
  

Update: h/t to pinball for finding the logo which was copied in making this panel.

Tornado Tales

In today's Dinette Set, we gather 'round the TV for some o' Burl's homespun wisdom only to find:

• A prepositional phrase in Burl's dialog that adds nothing whatever to the panel, whereas both the artist and her editor apparently did not notice it.
• Timmy has not changed his shirt since 26 April; and it still doesn't make any sense.
• The artist appears to believe we should consider it funny that Burl is frightened when a tornado passes overhead.
• And yet, the artist appears not to want to discuss the idiocy of being outside during a tornado.

Seafood Scamps

In today's Dinette Set, the kitchen provides a setting where:

• Joy or Verla rudely buries her nose in the paper in an attempt to ignore the other people at the table.
• The author pummels the advertisement versus news joke to death.
• We discover how close the artist is willing to come to an overt discussion of current events.
  

Butts on Stools

In today's Dinette Set, Burl's ass perches atop a stool, while the astute reader:

• Recognizes that the artist made the exact same joke 4 months ago.
• Remains just as appalled now as they were 4 months ago to learn that Burl is a Manager.
  
• Is impressed enough by the "Windows on Mac" joke that you have to assume the artist's intent was not what you think.
• Can't understand the sign regarding sick days and vacation days. Are we to believe there's a company that allows people to use sick days as vacation days? In America?